A Mother's love

My mom is a kind hearted person, very loving, understanding and has sure put up with a lot of my antics over the years. Although she is a lovely person that kinda shit doesn't get ratings with my fan base, so here is a story about the one and only time my Mother has lied to me.

Years ago my Mom, sister and I went to the US to go on a girl's shopping trip. We ended up at Burlington Coat Factory and I came across this wicked awesome "leather" bomber jacket. I turned to my Ma and said "Be completely honest, does this jacket make me look like a butchy lesbian?" My mom looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, it looks great!" I was thinking to myself, hellll yes I look like a bad ass chick with my new digs. On the Monday morning I get dressed, and decided it was slightly nippy out so I would wear my new fierce jacket, show the world how fashion forward I am. I get my stuff for school and head to the subway station. As I am waiting on the platform for the train a lady wearing a ripped up jean jacket, combat boots, a nose ring on both sides of her nostrils and a bleached blond pixie cut approaches me and asks me for my number. Right then and there I realized my sweet,innocent Mother lied to me. She sent me out in this scary world to get bum rushed by lesbians. She will never admit that she did this on purpose. But I know she did it to get back at me for the shit I pulled in my teenage years! So, here I stand face to face with this woman, who wants to enjoy the all you can eat Taco Monday special. I politely tell her I am flattered but I am in fact straight....despite what my butchy leather jacket insinuates....she stared me down, eye fucked the shit outta me for about 42.7 seconds and went on her way. A week later, I wore the jacket again because it was cold out and I didn't have too many other options. Guess who hits on me at Starbucks? A lady! There is nothing wrong with being gay, or lesbian. It is a lovely thing, but for me I know that 100% I am a straight female. If I still am attracted to men after seeing a 3 inch penis, then I know I am a die hard wiener fan. And it is a factoid that pink does not look good on me, this is including and not limited to a pink vagina being on me. I also know that this jacket is without a doubt a pussy magnet and that my Mother did in fact lie to me.