3 inches of vengeance

There are 3 things that are all 3 inches long that have come WAY to close too my body and they have all traumatized me. 1) small Asian penis 2) the claws of a peacock (I got attacked by one years ago and I have a scar to prove it and 3) a centipede. I'm going to tell you about number 3...

Let me set the mood here for you....it was a lonely Saturday evening, I decided to have a glorious bubble bath. Lit some candles, got out my iPad, loaded up Songza, chose a play list, likely something called '26 and single on a Saturday night...' I let the bath run, poured in some vanilla liquid soap, which was from the dollar store...I spare no expense when it comes to alone time....I slowly sink into the warm water. I lather up my right arm pit, and start to shave the grasslands that have formed...when all of a sudden a centipede fucking slithers out of the overflow drain....slitherssssss I say! My exact words as I vaulted out of the bath tub were 'holy sweet mother of fucking Christ....' I have never moved so quickly, my cardio for the week was complete after that mad dash out of the tub. As I stand there naked, I get my iPad and Google 'can centipedes swim?' The answer was no, so I decided to let that fucker drown, keep him in the tub for a few days as a warning to any other critters that wanna try to watch me bathe. Needless to say, this traumatized me, I refused to have a bath or shower for much longer than I care to admit, I walked around with one half shaved armpit for a week at least.  I will never be the same, having a 3 inch centipede that close to my vagina has traumatized me, much like the Asian penis did....