There are two things I am sure of one being that I'm an asshole, there is no need to question that. And the other is that National Geographic needs to do a documentary of drunk white girls at the club.We went out last night to celebrate my friend's bachelorette party...at this point I would like to inform you that my iPad changes the word 'bachelorette' to 'nacho florets' which on it's own is epic. So I meet the crew at the bar, and I am dead sober. Biggest mistake EVER. There are way too many foolish drunk white people at this place for my mind to process. Yes, I am in fact white too, but there are a certain group of white people at this place. For example, the white girl dancing and trying her darnedest to recite the words to Nelly's 'Country Grammar'. I figure her up tight parents deprived her of listening to 'coloured people' music when she was in high school. So here she is, trying to lip sync the words but she has no fucking clue what the fuck is going on. But then something amazing happens right before my eyes, the Nelly song drops off and all of a sudden the twang of Miley Cyrus's voice penetrates this white girls ears and she fucking drops it like its hottttt. You could see the look of relief on her face, like thank the lorddddd, I know the words to this song! I've come to the conclusion white chicks love the song 'Shoop'. Myself included. When that beat drops it is nearly impossible to not start my flow off "here I go, here I go, here I go again...girls what's my weakness...MEN!" But when this jam starts to play, us pasty bitches just flock to the dance floor to show how cultured we are and to bust out our rap verses.
I have found a new pet peeve while out last night...I'm not really sure why it bugs me, but it does. I saw way too many bitches walking around drinking wine. You're at a bar. Your wine comes from a box. And you are walking around like some uppity twat holding your glass of wine with your pinky finger in the air. Do you think this makes you look sophisticated? Like you will attract the attention of a millionaire? He will think to him self "oh wow, look at that intelligent woman with a blossoming personality drinking that very earthy wine. I may just gallivant on over to her and talk about the wine, discuss the levels of acidity and inquire whether or not it would pair well with Brie cheese. Then I will take her home to my loft apartment and have missionary intercourse with her, and afterwards we will snuggle and I will caress her silky blond hair, and in the morning I will wake up early and make her a quiche for brunch and I will accompany that quiche with a glorious mixed green salad. Then I will marry her, and we will have 2 kids together. All because she drinks wine at a bar
and that is ever so appealing". BITCH that shit will never happen, drink a fucking beer like everyone else at the bar. God fucking damnit.
I should not be allowed out in public.
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