Ever wonder why Santa's cheeks are red?

People who are counting down until Christmas need to simmer the fuck down. Santa would be disappointed in your behaviour. Santa is a distinguished man with a beard and most importantly a moustache, he doesn't want you worrying about Christmas until Movember is over, let's take the time to get excited about the glorious month of moustache rides, they provide great entertainment and are usually free! Unlike Christmas which costs people a ridiculous amount of money. So friends, count down til Movember! It's such a lovely month, men raise money for a great cause, women get facial hair tickling their inner thighs, and if you're lazy and don't want to shave either, your inner thighs can tickle his moustache back! It's so romantic! My fav part about Movember is how it's like playing a game of Russian roulette when you're single, you meet a guy with a stellar moustache and you don't know if he's participating in Movember or if he is just a creep with a dirty moustache that smells like a mixture of dried salami and a hooker named Brandie Alexis. I recently told someone who was talking about Christmas to calm down and put the count down to a halt and she threw an ounce of attitude towards me and said 'listen, Santa only comes once a year...' Bitch, have you seen Mrs. Claus' caboose? Baby got back, I doubt Santa only comes once a year *wink wink*. Why do you think Santa's cheeks are always so red? They are all chaffed from giving moustache rides during the month of Movember!