'The shit my friends and family say...' Featuring guest writer Alexandra Love

"Like me, I’m sure many of you have things that turn you on. Whether it be men with beards, men with money, men with ten foot cocks that will ruin your insides should you allow them to get inside your fragile pussy. Some people even have fantasies that turn them on whenever they think about acting them out with a willing person. Some are normal, like schoolgirl or hot librarian… the typical. And then, we have the weirdest, oddest, craziest, don’t know how you came up with that one, fantasies. Back when I was promiscuous and curious about the world of sex, drugs and cock&roll, I had an experience with an odd man. Now don’t get me wrong, he was nice, there was just something a little off the first time I met him. Then, later on down the road, when things heated up, I really discovered how odd this man was. Let me point out here that I am open minded and will usually try anything once, so in the bedroom I usually don’t turn anything down. So I’m at his place and we’re in bed, things are getting hot and he asks me if he can put on some music. And I said, hell yeah, put on something nasssty and make me feel like one of the whores in the Candy Shop music video. So he runs over to his stereo and as I’m ready to start bumping and grinding with him, I hear an odd sound. The music he was playing. It was familiar to me, soothing in a way, but at the same time it dried up my pussy as if someone stuck a ShamWow up there. It was Beethoven! You know, the classical musician, the deaf guy with the white hair (white hair a turn OFF by the way). I thought, for sure he put in the wrong CD, or put on the wrong radio station. But he started walking back to the bed to continue where we left off. It wasn’t a mistake. I asked him what this music was for and he said we were going to fuck to it. He said he loved fucking to classical music and it really turned him on. He said he wanted to picture me as an innocent virgin from back then and he was disgracing his family name by having sex with me. I reminded myself that I was open minded about this kind of thing and I pushed my way through the rest of the night (sex is sex, right?) Needless to say that was the last time I ever saw Mr. Classical again."